I wonder what kind of person I would be if I were born under different circumstances. How would my life change if my family were different, if my home country were different, or even if my gender were different? It almost hurts to think about it too much and delve into reasons for an individual’s existence. But at the same time, if I compare my life right now to others’ who might not be as fortunate as me, then I have to embrace the person I am today without hesitation. I wouldn’t do anything to change any part of my life. Although I may be unhappy with certain things now and then, I would rather remain myself. After all, the smallest changes could lead to the largest impact and the most devastating consequences.

It’s difficult, sometimes, to view someone through the same lens I use to analyze myself. For the most part, I am aware of how I feel, what my needs and desires are, and what I wish to pursue. All of these things are basic human instincts, but I am not always conscious of the fact that other people may have experiences similar to mine or even feelings similar to mine. I rely too much on first impressions and superficial appearances. Someone might seem perfect; she might have the untarnished image of a role model. But it won’t occur to me until much later that the same person would ponder in loneliness or grieve in seclusion, experiencing the same emotions I have probably felt at one point or another.

Sometimes when I am scrolling through a people’s blog, I am a little disappointed that they put the links to their selcas above the links for their other pages. Their ‘about me’ page would be floating around somewhere on their blog so only the people who look hard enough can find it. Or there would be no ‘about me’ page at all and anything personal would consist only of selcas. In a way, it seems like people on tumblr prioritize the more physical and superficial sides of themselves above the more intangible, yet interesting quirks they may have. Of course, posting pictures of yourself isn’t a bad thing (unless you are an avid believer of never revealing information about yourself on the internet). I like to play around with photoshop. I like to take pictures. I have taken selcas before too, but I don’t like to take them anymore.

It’s strange. Appearances are so heavily relied upon on the internet. If someone happens to be attractive and he or she posts a picture of himself or herself, then it can go without saying that there will be compliments and possibly an influx of new followers. But the same situation wouldn’t apply to everyone. After all, society dictates what is considered attractive these days and not everyone can fit those standards. Because of this, it’s also natural for people to want to see what other people look like. We are curious. We want to know more about people who seem interesting. But as curious as we are, it’s still a shame that a person’s inspiring and insightful thoughts and ideas can be so easily overlooked when there are selcas to look at instead. 

Sometimes it’s confusing for me to separate my thoughts and pour them out in one blog while keeping them hidden away on another. I figured I would mix up my blogs eventually and accidentally post writing on my main blog, but then I thought, does it really matter? My blog is my blog, tailored by me to fit my interests, what I find aesthetically pleasing. It belongs to me even though I probably do a poor job of maintaining it (especially this one). I wonder if people will be annoyed if I start to post more text posts on my main blog, just so I can let a bit of my personality shine through. Most people on tumblr follow others for their edits or the pictures they choose to reblog, and nothing is wrong with that. But stifling part of myself just to keep an aesthetically pleasing blog renders it useless in a way. Maybe in time, when I find the time that is away from school work and anything else, I will be able to write more again.